We had to get out the scissors to help get through all this hair but we’re back to the clippers now. If you ask me my daughter is having a little too much fun… To donate to my 3-Day Walk, please visit www.the3day.org/goto/jmrizer

tinyurl.com All my friends are going bald. Never thought I’d see the day. Even as I say this, I am wiping one of my hairs off the screen of my new Dell Inspiron R laptop. That’s okay. Google says the average human loses twenty-five to one hundred hairs a day, more so in the fall. One hundred hairs a day, twenty-four hours a day: that’s four hairs an hour. That means if I can keep it to only three more this hour, I should be fine, shouldn’t I? Until I was twenty-one, I had bad acne. I always thought when I got rid of it, I would be stunningly attractive and girls would fall at my feet. Finally, when I was twenty-one, I changed dermatologists and the new doctor recommended I use Accutane. “But Dr. Flynn,” I told her, “my last dermatologist said there are lots of really bad side effects.” “Don’t be such a pussy,” she replied. Or something like it. Probably didn’t use those exact words. So eight months later, after dry lips and neck pain, (which was probably unrelated, but I had convinced myself it meant I would die of cancer) I looked in the mirror and my skin was clear. I smiled. Happy. Content for the first time that I had no overall looks-issue I had to worry about. My braces were out, my skin was clear, things were good. I smiled, and it lasted for fifteen seconds. Then, a glimmer of light in the mirror. What was that? I didn’t recognize that. I turned my head to the left and there it was, giving me the middle finger. A gray hair. Mother fucker. It took me a little while …